Do You Want to See the Man With the Sourdough Legs? By Andy Thompson

I’ve always trusted doctors, including the ones who say “cut down on the drinking” and “would it kill you to go for a run every now and then?” I find people who distrust doctors troubled in the head. Sure you hear the odd horror story but, generally, doctors know their stuff.

However, there are exceptions.

I was once the subject of one such exception when I was sick with a virus which had left me feverish, shaky and somewhat bed-ridden. I endured numerous blood tests, including one where a giggling nurse said “Do you think you might have AIDS? Because your symptoms sound just like AIDS. LOL,” but nothing malicious showed up in my bloodstream. The suggested treatment was to take Aspirin and see how it goes. Soon the shaky fever abated but I developed a weird pain in my legs and the flesh below my knees started to resemble warm, gooey dough. You could prod a finger at it and leave a visible indentation. After terrifying some friends at a party with my soggy leg, I decided to see a doctor. A good, old-fashioned knowledgeable doctor. I showed him my leg and he prodded it with a finger and said a phrase you never want to hear a doctor say.

“Hmm. I’ve never seen that before. I’ll get one of the other doctors.”

Another doctor came in, prodded my leg and gave the same diagnosis. “That’s weird. Go and get Steve,” one of them said to a nurse. Steve came in. I didn’t know who Steve was but by this stage I was kind of hoping Steve was a doctor who had his shit together. Steve looked at my leg, squeezed it, laughed and said “Yeah, I’ve never seen that before either. Stop taking Aspirin see how it goes.”

Thanks Doc. Thanks a lot.


in Greenslopes, Queensland, Australia

 927

What Andy looks like.

I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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