Medical stories

I Hate You. Period.

I wrote a song once called "I Hate You, Period"… but everyone thought I was singing the full stop. So I changed it to "I Hate Menses", so now it sounds like I'm saying I hate men but in a really girly kind of way.

When Mum first told me what would happen every month at random times & places til

Jennifer Burke


Festival Problems

My dick... is... the weirdest fuckin' thing you'll ever see on a human body, on it's best day! And I know all dicks look like shit, hanging outta your gunt like a prolapsed belly-button, covered in shaving cuts and stretch marks, whittled to a stub by unwashed hands, fuckin' warts and lesions, twee

Christopher Jordan


Who Cut the Cheese?

I really admire smokers for their stoic obstinance in the face of adversity. They are fast taking over the title of most persecuted minority group in society. However, the anti-smoking lobby has almost won the hard-fought battle they'v been waging for years.

Andy Thompson


Too much information

My friend Hannah and I were travelling the 'Gringo trail' in South America a few years ago and along the way we made a couple of travel companions Don, a tough Canadian trucker from the Yukon and Bret, a not so butch guy from Sydney with a distinctive lisp.

Caroline Knight


Not Quite Right

I tried a bucket bong at a party one night, & for hours I thought I could hear voices in my head; so I started an acapella group... obviously. But then people just thought I had Tourettes.

Which was stupid really, I mean if anyone at school had Tourettes it was Marco.

Jennifer Burke


The Personality Smear

It should be compulsory to regularly test for personality abnormalities; this might help to solve the riddle of the arctic weather conditions that have plagued my nether regions for centuries (or thereabouts).

When I first received the 2 yearly reminder I made a joke at one of my gigs saying, "N

Jennifer Burke