I sold my soul while working in retail liquor. I also sold a lot of terrifically bad booze. One particular incident involved a pile of horrid cheap wine the manager had got at a bargain basement price, probably from some Russian gangsters. We stacked it at the front of the store and sold it for $2.99 a bottle and still made a handsome profit. It was almost criminal. Especially considering how bad it tasted.
A lady came in one day and was transfixed by the appearance of this stack of wine. I’d done a great job with some tinsel and it almost looked classy. She said to me, “Excuse me, can you tell me something about this wine?”
“It’s $2.99,” I said.
“I see” she replied. “But what’s it like?”
“It’s $2.99,” I repeated.
“Oooh a bargain. Does it have a nice taste?”
“It’s $2.99,” I said again.
“I see” she said, completely oblivious to the fact that I couldn’t describe the taste to her without swearing. “Would you drink it?”
“I would probably use it to clean my driveway” I replied.
“Okay. It certainly is a cheap price isn’t it?
“Yes, ma’am, it certainly is cheaper than most other driveway cleaners. A bargain, in fact.”
“Would it go well with lamb?
“Well, you could use the bottle to bludgeon a lamb to death…so yes!”
“I will buy 4 cartons please”
“Excellent choice!”
A sale was a sale, even if I was selling radioactive coolant.
in Carindale, Queensland, Australia
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