Childhood stories

I Hate You. Period.

I wrote a song once called "I Hate You, Period"… but everyone thought I was singing the full stop. So I changed it to "I Hate Menses", so now it sounds like I'm saying I hate men but in a really girly kind of way.

When Mum first told me what would happen every month at random times & places til

Jennifer Burke


Some Science Teachers Just Want to Watch the World Burn.

If there’s one thing I enjoy it’s a flagrant disregard of safety by an authority figure. Nothing made me grin more as a child than seeing my father march down to the incinerator with a load of potentially flammable material and 4 litres of petrol on a Saturday afternoon.

Andy Thompson


Chops or Sausages

When I was a young child my mother placed, upon my small shoulders, the following onerous decision: chops or sausages?

I don’t really know why she expected so much of me at such a tender age; how could I be expected to weigh up the economic, ethical and ecological issues attached to eating lamb versus… well, whatever it is in sausages.

Genevieve Frew


Getting busted with some help from my friends

If you're going to do something sneaky, it's important that you're thorough so you don't get caught in the lie.

I was 14 and I was dreading having to give my Dad my end of year report card. You see, he really wanted me to be the best-in-class and I'd had some struggles that year.

Lalaka Gunasekera


Friendly fire! Man Down!

I like to think of myself as a good Dad. I'm moderately handy and my major skill of turning a sobbing child into a giggling monster quicker than you can say “sorry about throwing that ball into your face” comes in handy every day. However, there's one thing I'm terrible at doing and that is changing a nappy filled with poo.

Andy Thompson


My North End Years

My North End Years

Dark and stark, remote and forbidding Ridden with crime and full of danger So said some, so said many - of my North End

A child, learning to learn and ready to race Arriving in a new world - wide, strange and entrancing Eager to explore, eager to embrace - my North End

Bill Jarrard