It was a charity event at work - our task; scale Ben Nevis. Simple. In many ways it was (for me) not so much for some others though.
Up at 6 am most were bedded around 10, some rebels staying till 12. Me? I think I made it in around 2. This isn't about me being Billy Big Bollocks but I feel it adds some humour as the story unravels.Liam Fleming
Doc: Hello Mr Earth. Thanks for coming. Got your results back. It's not good I'm afraid... You have Cancer!
Earth: Oh God! Really?
Doc: I'm Afraid So!
Earth: How did this happen? What can I do about it?Stu Pop Fisher
Australia has more than its fair share of deadly critters. We have poisonous snakes and spiders, man-eating crocodiles and even a cute little monotreme that will give you a nasty jab if you accidentally grab it. Why is it that our birds are absolute clowns? They're like the drunken hooligans of the animal kingdom.Andy Thompson
Lawrence Anthony's book "The Elephant Whisperer" describes the relationship he formed over some years with a group of traumatised elephants. They needed rehabilitation and he worked lovingly with them until they could be released back into the wild.Deb Williams
I've always wanted to fuck a black chick. I just do. Some people have goals and aspirations. They want a promotion, or a qualification, or to visit Italy... I wanna jizz on a negress girl, so she looks like chocolate jelly covered in slightly out-of-date cream.Christopher Jordan
I read a book last week. It was a gore-core, homo-porn, love story about two serial killing cannibals with HIV who fall in love while torturing teenagers to death. The most used word was 'intestine', in both a viceral and sexual context. (The book's called 'Exquisite Corpse' by Poppy Z Brite, if anyone cares to look it up.)Christopher Jordan