Gay Arguments By Jennifer Burke

Being in a relationship with another woman can have it perks, like borrowing clothes, no pash rashes & having a good long chat about tampon texture without someone fainting or turning on the cricket to restore balance.

But it can also have its drawbacks, like who sits at the head of the table? Who proposes to who? And do we tell Centrelink? And when two women are simultaneously PMSing I find a really good sense of humour is imperative.

If you're a woman dating another... you’d better find everything so funny that when you both ask each other what’s wrong, both say nothing, both spend the next 5 days in total silence, or crying, or silent crying, till one of you snaps & smashes the most expensive, most annoying thing in the house to have to clean up... it’d better make you laugh so hard, your neighbours think you’re watching a lesbian drama with medium level violence comedy special... and removing that shard of glass still stuck in your eye from last month's fight had better make you freaking giggle. Or else lesbianism is not for you.

“If you don’t stop putting your wet towels on the floor, I’m gonna wear a pink dress every time we go out so YOU look like the butch one.“ Well played lover, well played… I don’t want people to confuse me with Ellen, so you win this round.

“If you don’t stop nagging me, I’m gonna get all your pride flags & anything else with a multi-coloured pattern on it resembling a rainbow & stick ‘em through a hot wash!” They’re colourfast, but you're welcome to do my laundry.

It's times like these being straight seems somewhat appealing. What I wouldn't give to have a guy tell me to "Stop being so emotional" - I've got heaps of comebacks for that, like... "No sex for you." Whereas a lesbian might see this as a win & then you're screwed, but not in a good way.


in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia


Comic & Triple J RAW Comedy Grand Finalist. Talker @ 4ZZZ. Bachelor of film @ SAE. Writer. Improv. Muso. Danca? Kombuchaholic. Chronic pain fighter. Rep @ Howell Management #TaxTimeIsLava

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