Bastards Charity By Christopher Jordan

I, um ...urgh! caugh ...I used to be a teenager a long time ago, and I was a prick. And my buddies and I made this fake sponsor form for a non-existent youth football team, and went door to door collecting 'donations'.

[Any enquiry, please contact Mr D. Donald]

Man! We were rakin' in £15, £20 a day! We were fuckin' ROLLING in strawberry chews and soapbar!

One day it was my turn. I knocked a random door while my crew hung around the corner, a lady answered, looked dishevelled and asked me to wait. Then she came back and gave me £4.

"That's too much!" I said. "It's OK. Just take it." she said, and she closed the door without signing the fake form.

Yes! Dumb bitch! And we all got drunk under an underpass.

The End.

But I thought about that the other day for the first time in years, and it hit me. That lady wasn't fooled by the goddamn reuxe! What happened was, she saw a scruffy kid nervously begging for money at night, and she gave him £4. That's all.

... Dumb bitch.

in Scotland


BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

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