Incubator For Douchebags By Chris Begg

A while ago I had to take my son to a kids party. It wasn't a birthday party, just a dance party. The parents that threw the party had converted their lounge room in to a makeshift dance floor, complete with lights and a disco ball. To top it off, the music was all played from YouTube. This was a high class affair.

A bunch of 9 year old boys, dressed up like their favourite RNB artists, crunked and got jiggy with it as if they were Will Smith and Nicki Minaj's love child. They had their hats on backwards, their skinny jeans were sagging, and thought they were cock of the walk. You could literally see them transforming in to douchebags, and within minutes they were on the hunt for pussy, even though they were too young to know what pussy is.

The parents thought this was adorable, but they are another story all together. The women were completely fake towards each other. "Hi Jessica, long time no see! How are the herpes?"

For some reason, at kids parties there is always the older man that has to bitch about the kids generation. This older gentleman came up to me and proceeded to tell me what was wrong with the kids.

"You see, the problem with this generation is that their parents love them too much. Back in my day we had to walk 12 hours in the snow with a gerbil up our arse for our love. And do you know how we knew our dad loved us? He'd whip us with his belt. You do that today and it's called abuse, but we called it love."

I can't wait for the next one.

in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia


Comedian, Musician, Writer, Animator, and part time human being. Hobbies include tickle fights, playing guitar, cabbage, and high tea parties on the Maharashtra river.

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