Who Cut the Cheese? By Andy Thompson

I really admire smokers for their stoic obstinance in the face of adversity. They are fast taking over the title of most persecuted minority group in society. However, the anti-smoking lobby has almost won the hard-fought battle they'v been waging for years. I grew up in the 70's and nearly every adult smoked, including my parents. I’d be building Lego with my Dad and he’d blow smoke in my face and say “ha, ha, I made you cough.” Yeah, that’s a good one Dad, you joker. If you do that now and you’d go to prison.

“What’d you do to get in here, mate?” “I held up a 7-11 and shot the clerk in the face. You?” “I blew smoke in a kid’s face” “You sick bastard!”

I'm worried that once the anti-smoking lobby finally gets smoking banned, they’ll switch to other things that are bad for us that I actually enjoy. Like eating cheese, for example. And that would be terrible because I'm a 2 pack a day kind of guy. Soon we’d start seeing images of fat, cholesterol choked, constipated men sitting on the toilet on the front of packets of cheese. Following on from that, cheese would only be sold in plain packets and if you wanted some Parmesan cheese on your pasta at a restaurant you’d have to sprinkle it on your plate and eat it in a segregated alley-way like a criminal.

The final straw will be resorting to cheese from made from mystery sources in backyard cheese labs and I don’t think I'm ready to sprinkle “Fromage de Chat” or “Pig Cheddar” on my pasta.

Keep fighting, smokers!

in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia


I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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