Bitten On The Ass By Stand Up Comedy By Luke Simmons

As definitely one of the weirdest things I've done in my life, I started doing stand-up comedy here in Brazil last year. It's as good as a learning experience as it is a challenge. I'm not up there with the best. But I don't suck either.

So yesterday, I did a show in the afternoon for the local newspaper and I decided to add in a little story in which paints Brazilians as being soft asses when it comes to pranks. If some of the pranks my Aussie mates have pulled off happened here, I'm sure that violence and/or police would be involved. To illustrate my point, I shared a story about the time my friend snuck into his friend's hotel room and shat into the shower head - before kindly replacing it. #brown #pasta

Here is where the irony starts. Afterwards I was at a cool party which was absolutely packed. I was busy chatting with a couple of friends, when this guy came up to me, passed me his cup and asks if I'd like some "champagne". Accepting drinks from strangers here is the norm, so I didn't hesitate holding the outstretched clear plastic cup. As soon as I held it, I noted that it was about 39°C (100°F), and decidedly flat for champagne.

This guy just handed me a cup of his piss!

I immediately handed it back to him and he started to walk away slowly - even mouthing off a little. That is when I nearly broke my teeth from over-clenching as I stared at his goofy looking mug and contemplated my next move. He clearly deserved to receive punishment for this act. But what sort of mess would brawling cause in a crowded party? What if he had a gun/knife?

During the next 15 min, I calmed down and convinced myself that by choosing peace, I'd reached a higher level of, what do you call it, enlightenment?

I reckon even Ghandi would have hulked up and crammed that cup of piss down his scrawny looking throat though.


in Av. Ipiranga, 3850, Praia de Belas, Porto Alegre - Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil

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What Luke looks like.

I believe that life is a (relatively) short ride and that it's crucial to squeeze as many good times out of it as possible. I love travelling, music, reading, writing, all kinds o' sport, & my wife!

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