Selfies By Jennifer Burke

So selfies are fun, hey guys!? Like going to the movies alone, or stalking yourself... or crying while you masturbate. That kind of fun.

I think the only people who should be taking selfies are my relies, so I know what they look like and we don't accidentally meet on Tinder. Seriously though, If you're taking a selfie chances are your best friend's a belfie stick.

Whilst I'm home alone on a Saturday night trolling my newsfeed, being a likeaholic & waiting up for my cat cuz he might need a lift home, I find the most upsetting pictures are the ones where people appear to be having their photos taken... by someone else. They just don't know how lucky they are.

Happiness it seems, is not having your arm anywhere near the lens #friends

You know you're living your best life when your limbs are so far away from the shutter it's unlikely anyone would ever speculate it's been photoshopped. But the perfect shot, is of 2 or more people with an accidental thumb 'photo bombing' the image so that at no point can one be accused of using a timer.

Of course, this doesn't mean said 'friend' & the alleged 'clumsy thumsy' were known to 'selfie no friends' at time of 'random memory' being snapped. When it comes to authenticity, a self proclaimed 'selfie abuser' can never be too careful... & this is where tags come in.

Prior to the photo in question, so as not to arouse suspicion; the 'Nigel no followers' should make sure any & all persons involved with operation 'Say No To Narcissism' are friends on facebook & still in the country... & then stalk, bump into, laugh while loading camera app, mime 'take photo', hug friend 2, smile, upload pic, insert funny & correctly spelled status, tag prey, post pic, & then pat yourself on the back & wait for the event invites to come flooding in.

Ahh, life's good.

in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia


Comic & Triple J RAW Comedy Grand Finalist. Talker @ 4ZZZ. Bachelor of film @ SAE. Writer. Improv. Muso. Danca? Kombuchaholic. Chronic pain fighter. Rep @ Howell Management #TaxTimeIsLava

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