Pejazzle Fiasco By Grant Pirie

I had recently become single and decided the best thing for me to do was to have a night out on the town. Now, I was never a Lothario so I felt I needed an extra something to make me stand out....a pejazzle. The instructions on the packet seemed simple enough. Stick it to the pubic region, leave it for a minute, peel off the top layer and the pattern should be left on your skin. I slapped it onto my pubic region, left it for a minute before taking away the top layer to find that only a few of the diamonds had stayed on my skin. This led me to the genius idea of sticking the rest on by hand...forgetting I am horrendous at art. The pejazzle was meant to look like a butterfly but came out more like a butterfly which had been trodden over by several elephants. The diamonds still weren't sticking to the skin quite like they were meant to so i had my next genius idea, pour boiling water into a plastic bottle then slowly run the bottle over the pattern on my pubic region. Forgetting that severe heat would melt the glue of the pejazzle I failed to realise that all I was doing was fusing the pejazzle to my skin in a way it was never designed to be. It was only meant to last three days so I figured I could have a laugh with any girls I met and say it was a stupid idea but it will be gone soon. Three MONTHS later and I was still having to explain to everyone what my thought process was and why I have a ridiculous pink diamond pattern permanently stuck to the pubic region of my body. Men just shouldn't try to doll themselves up for any occasion, lesson learnt, lesson learnt!

in Scotland, United Kingdom


Comedian and musician from Aberdeen, Scotland. Feel free to add me on Facebook and Twitter if the feeling takes you

See Grant's profile.


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