Despite being born under the sign of Aquarius I’m not a new-age kind of girl. I don’t meditate, I am not vegetarian and incense makes me sneeze.
So I have started doing a class called ‘yogalates’ in my local park; a cross between yoga and pilates which I saw as a chance for some stretching as I spend so much of my life hunched over the computer.
I tried to take it seriously, I really did, but the teacher had us panting like a dog, arching like a cat, roaring like a lion and something like a crocodile, which I missed as the wind whistled through the branches above us.
Then as I lay down for the final stretch the teacher started banging a stick into a bowl and spoke of chakras as my concentration wandered off. The wind got louder and only some of her words reached my ears. I caught the word ‘souls’ - something to do with our life force perhaps... I heard the word ‘calves’ - visions of young cows being sacrificed to appease the yoga gods…
When I heard the word ‘thighs’ confusion set in - I had visions of vestal virgins standing before a raging fire - had the teacher lost her mind. Then logic struck me between the eyes (or possibly a falling leaf) as I realised she was telling us to work our way up the body, cleansing our chakras. This went on forever and as I lay on the grass getting itchy and shaking in the cold breeze I confirmed that I am no good at this new-age exercise and made a mental note to go home, pour myself a glass of wine, and write it down.