Winter Flu By Christopher Jordan

Sneezing vomit is fine for a couple days, but winter flu lasts weeks. I threw my back out retching and my sheets are soaked in more sick guy fluid than are the mounting tissues beside the bed. The underside of my nose is crusted up like a dead old lady's vadge covered in sores. An 'ultra-rash' one might say.

It's weird how if you lie still in your own sweat-gunge you don't notice the chill, but as soon as you roll around a bit, you feel the discomforting cold creep through your spine. The other weird thing about it is the strangely satisfying feeling of hobbling through to the toilet, unwrapped and shivering and feeling your nerves shatter from the brisk cold while you shit yourself inside out like a tight sock.

I like that. Reminds me I'm alive.

But, if I should die from this gross flu, make sure someone reads this article at my wake.

Happy new year!


in Bed

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BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

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