The Chick I Punched By Christopher Jordan

Disclaimer: I was a child when this happened, and I've only ever hit 1 girl in my entire life. ....well 2, technically.

Back in School, everyone was a dick. Everyone having a dig at everyone else, like an aquarium of piranhas taking bites out of each other. Hierarchy and confusion. Everyone trying to lose their virginity, nobody managing.

Days off hanging around corner shops waiting for older teenagers to buy us booze, which usually ended with the older boys taking our money, buying vodka and walking away shouting, 'Thanks for the free piss up lads!' And we'd be standing there shouting back, 'You fucking pricks!'

Anyway, it was either New Year or Halloween. I can't remember. I was kiddy-drunk with a couple of guys and a couple of girls on cheap cider under a bridge. I was the 5th wheel.

So when the girls made the move to get rid of me, it was all, 'Naebody likes ye!' 'Go shag yersel'!', and they started punching me in the head. The little one (who we were always real fuckin' mean to, incase you think she's just a cunt) gave me a bruised eye and a swollen mouth.

My 2 guy mates were pissing themselves laughing while the girls lay into me. I was giggling nervously for the first 10 minutes. After that, I said, 'If ya hit me again, I'm gonna hit ya back.'

'Go on!', she said, punching me in the face. 'Go on!'

I did. POP! Burst her lip.

Next time I saw her, she had a gang of boys from school ready to beat me up for being a lassy basher. The End.

in Scotland, United Kingdom


BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

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