Jacking it over a bird By Christopher Jordan

I used to live with a couple, which sucked. The guy was a douche, but I admit I still really wanted to fuck his girlfriend. Given half the chance, I'd have turned her inside out like a tight sock while he watched from the closet, obviously.

Then one day, about 6 in the morning, just as the sun was rising, I heard this noise. A kind of 'Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!' We all know that sound. That's the sound of shagging! And I lay there, half sleeping. 'Squeak! Squeak!'

So I did what anyone would do, and started tossing off, over the implication of the sound of this hot girl being screwed 10 feet from where I was lying (Go ahead, judge, I don't care).

But here's the good bit!

As soon as the nut was bust, and my sensibilities returned, I realized that it wasn't them screwing that was making the noise! ...Nope. It was this odd wee bird 'cheeping' at my window. 'Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!' And all I could think was, 'Wow! I just fapped it to a crow!'

in UK


BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

Facebook: The-Filth-Diary

See Christopher's profile.

Christopher's website.


  • Share this on...
  • Twitter

Flag this story

You might like: