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Beating the Bro By Christopher Jordan

I don't always get to stay in hotels. Hostels & sofa's maybe, but hotels are expensive man! But a month ago I was at a fancy hotel with my wee brother, and we USED that motherfucker! Got drunk in a jacuzzi, borrowed all the board games, went swimming... and my brother suggested we have a race up and down the pool, and I fuckin' beat him. Then we played scrabble, and I fuckin' beat him again, twice.

The next day he was just mad! Mad as fuck!

He stormed around for hours moaning about everything, which kinda kills the luxury hotel 'vibe', until I asked, "Dude! What the fuck's up? How are ya so pissed off?"

And I could see it, the stinging pain in his brain as he tried to figure out how it happened.

"How the fuck did you beat me at swimming!?!? And Scrabble?! I train all the time! Rock climbing! Riding my bike! I'm gonna be a scientist in a month! But YOU! You fat fuck! All you do is lay around ordering food and getting high! Drinking everyday and being a fuckin' useless asshole! The only exercise you get is jerking off three times a day and rolling joints you piece of shit! How could you beat me you lazy, gormless, absolute failure of a life with nothing....." (I'll be honest, he didn't say any of this.)

But I thought the explination was obvious. "Ah, come on man. I'm your big brother! And I'll aallllways have a 4 year headstart."


in Highlands, Scotland, United Kingdom

 571

BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

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