The Hospital Visit By Chris Begg

In life, there are certain events that make you who you are. Your first kiss, your first pair of boobs, or your first rodent pet all contribute to making you the happy go lucky human that you are today.

There are certain events though that can contribute to you being less than a happy chappy. Your first nut shot, your first pair of man boobs, or a hospital visit.

After working late last night, I got a call from my ex-wife informing me that our son was having an asthma attack, so off we went to hospital. It's no secret that hospitals aren't the most enjoyable of places. On a scale of sleeping with Scarlett Johanssen and being forcefully probed by aliens, a hospital visit would rank just above shoving a gerbil down my pee hole on a list of things I'd like to do.

I understand that our hospital staff are overworked and underpaid, and that there isn't enough of the budget being put towards the health system, but would it be too much to ask for some comfortable chairs? I may not have a huge arse, but the small cheeks I do have went numb after five minutes in one of those chairs, and we were there for five hours. I'd hate to imagine what it might have felt like if I'd had a larger arse.

Surely, it would be possible for them to make hospital visits a little more comfortable. Offer tea, coffee, sandwiches, gerbils, juice. All I want in life is a padded cushion and a refreshment. Is that too much to ask?

in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia


Comedian, Musician, Writer, Animator, and part time human being. Hobbies include tickle fights, playing guitar, cabbage, and high tea parties on the Maharashtra river.

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