Please Sit Next to Me By Andy Thompson

No one sits next to me on the bus to work. When I first noticed this happening I was delighted. I mean, who wants some voluminous ham-beast sitting next to you annoying you with their high pitched nose whistle and hungry grunts. I certainly don’t, but after a while I started to question why my seat was always vacant on otherwise packed buses. I even moved down the front where the bus is more crowded in order to get someone to sit next to me but alas, people would actively scurry away.

I once even said to a pregnant lady, “You can sit here” and patted the seat next to me but she gave me a horrified look and decided to stand in the aisle a considerable distance away. I don’t have a particularly pungent man-musk and I'm not obese and overflowing in my seat. Is it because I have a shaved head and sometimes scowl when I'm reading my book? That could be it! So this morning I decided to smile at everyone on the bus.

That made it worse.

A lot worse.


in Eight Mile Plains, Queensland, Australia

 919

What Andy looks like.

I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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