Please Hold the Safety Railing By Andy Thompson

When it comes to parenting, there are numerous perils a father should be aware of. Answering the dreaded “where do babies come from” question and reading books to your kids when you are terrifically hung-over are two such perils which quickly come to mind. Some parents are bashful about their own nudity around their kids. Not me. This is mainly due to my inherent laziness when it comes to the concept of pants. I often bathed with my oldest boy when he was a fat, rotund, giggling blob but about 18 months ago he made the step up to having a shower. He was initially terrified so I agreed to shower with him. We no longer share the shower because of two reasons. 1: He’s getting too big and 2: because of The Unspoken Incident.

The Unspoken Incident occurred when I was hustling him into the shower one night. He stepped into the shower and slipped. Fortunately for him, he was able to grab the nearest object to stop himself from slamming head first into the shower-tiles. Unfortunately for me, that nearest object was my scrotum. There was a brief moment where I was confronted with 2 options. Knock his hand off my squished genitals and let him hit the ground or wait for him to right himself. I chose the latter because I’m a caring father. He let go, looked at my pained expression, and giggled quietly.

“I, uh, grabbed your balls”

“You sure did mate.”

“Sorry Dad.”

“That’s okay, buddy.”

“Um. I think I’ll have showers on my own from now.”

“Sounds good to me.”


in Eight Mile Plains, Queensland, Australia

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What Andy looks like.

I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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