It's Just a Flesh Wound. By Andy Thompson

Last year, while doing rural flood damage inspections, I met one of the most Australian men in existence. His name was Rob and he was a farmer. Rob had finished work for the day and was relaxing on his deck in the afternoon sun. As we walked to his truck I asked him if he wanted to put on his boots.

"Nah, she'll be right mate."

We drove down to the lower paddock and climbed out of the truck to inspect a damaged pump which was surrounded by knee-high grass. Rob said "Yeah, this is the fucker that got damaged. Ow. Shit. Fuck," before quickly scurrying up onto a nearby water tank.

"I...fuck...I think I just got bitten by a fucken snake, mate" he said. I froze. Terrified.

"Garn have a look over there, will ya?" he said pointing at a waist high patch of grass. I didn't see a thing and I suggested that maybe it was just a stick or a twig and he responded with "Nope, I felt something squishy underneath me bare foot and then BANG!"

I looked at his foot and saw he had bite mark from a small snake. I told him we should go back to the house and he said "Fucken, nah. I'll be right mate. Here, lemme show you that fence..."

Ten minutes later he said "Not gonna lie, mate. Me foot is throbbing like a bitch. We better go back."

When I got him back to the house he was slumped over the steering wheel and groaning so I called for his wife. She came out, took one look at him, and laughed.

"Not again, Rob, you dickhead. I bet you took your bloody boots off..."


in Monto, Queensland, Australia

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What Andy looks like.

I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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