I Didn't Mean to Stare. Honest. By Andy Thompson

I started going to the gym when I had my first child because the vision of a bloated hot sweaty mess that’s too unfit to get off the couch to play with his kids was becoming a stark reality. I enjoy the gym. It’s my time to focus and it gives me time to think. Sure, I mainly think about lifting things up and putting them down but it’s still a thought evoking process. I just hate talking to people in the gym. Some people find the gym to be a wonderfully social place and a great opportunity to make new friends. Others just like to grunt, sweat and lift things while waiting for a coil of intestine to loop out into their pants.

I’m all over the unofficial “No Obvious Staring” policy too. Everyone stares but you just don’t do it in an obvious way. That’s what the mirrors are for. And certainly don’t lick your lips in a lascivious manner. I’ve seen a hairy-backed guy in stringlet do that as a lady walked past and even I felt violated. I’m so hyper-conscious of not making women feel uncomfortable in the gym that I’ve become paranoid whenever one ventures close.

“Hi. Are you finished with this barbell?”

“YES! YOU CAN HAVE IT! I WASN’T EVEN LOOKING AT YOUR BOOBS! I’M SO SORRY.”

I was in the gym the other week and when I finished a set a girl working out nearby said "65kgs? Wow, that's as heavy as me!" and smiled. I replied with "Gnnnnhahahaggfer" and scurried off to the drink fountain like a beaten stray dog.

I don’t want to be lumped in with the lip-licking sex pest.


in King George Square, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

 873

What Andy looks like.

I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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