Animal stories

No Means No, Little Dude!

My first pet was a bedraggled kitten that was being mistreated by a pair of vapid sisters living nearby. They never fed the little ginger rascal and one afternoon he appeared on my balcony during a thunderstorm. I fed him some chicken skin and that night he slept on my chest purring away like a small lawnmower.

Andy Thompson
 1,162

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Black bears and golden rules

Although my wife and I were excited about being in the beautiful Sequoia National Park, we were a little nervous spending our first night in "bear country".

Dutifully following the required protocol, we stowed all of our scented items in the lockable bins to ensure we wouldn't get "carjacked" overnight.

Luke Simmons
 1,159

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Ode to the Australian Huntsman spider

"Huntsman spiders, members of the family Sparassidae, are known by this name because of their speed and mode of hunting. They are total assholes."

  • Wikipedia

Growing up in Australia, they're unfortunately a part of life. One moment you're feeling around for the light switch in the da

Luke Simmons
 561

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Worst first date

When I was around 14, I was feeling happy with myself having snared a date with a pretty girl I'd met. She asked whether I'd like to ride horses with her on the coming weekend, and I agreed without hesitation.

On the Saturday morning, I arrived at the agreed spot on time and noticed that all of her cliquey mates were joining in too. Okay.

Luke Simmons
 1,134

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Beware of the Bright Green Screeching Snipers

Australia has more than its fair share of deadly critters. We have poisonous snakes and spiders, man-eating crocodiles and even a cute little monotreme that will give you a nasty jab if you accidentally grab it. Why is it that our birds are absolute clowns? They're like the drunken hooligans of the animal kingdom.

Andy Thompson
 1,139

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I'll Get a Knife

I was living on the worst street in town. I didn't like it. Horrible things would happen in my block of flats. I would hear these things happen in the hallway and hide under the bed covers in my flat. One night around 1AM I heard something happening, more horrible than previous things.

Andrew Towers
 655

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