Crime stories

David's Morning

2 nights ago, my buddy, let's call him 'David', came to crash at my place after a show. I passed out about half one, he stayed awake.

Turns out that night, David had gotten so stressed out about "something" that he smoked all my cigarettes and took a toilet clogging dump (and bare with me here,

Christopher Jordan


BBW Escort

The Fringe Festival is the biggest performing arts festival in the world, and it's right on my doorstep. I get to see some of the weirdest people ever conducting fucked-up shows and bizarre stand-up acts. It's a surreal experience once the alcohol kicks in.

Christopher Jordan


Bastards Charity

I, um ...urgh! caugh ...I used to be a teenager a long time ago, and I was a prick. And my buddies and I made this fake sponsor form for a non-existent youth football team, and went door to door collecting 'donations'.

[Any enquiry, please contact Mr D. Donald]

Christopher Jordan


I'll Get a Knife

I was living on the worst street in town. I didn't like it. Horrible things would happen in my block of flats. I would hear these things happen in the hallway and hide under the bed covers in my flat. One night around 1AM I heard something happening, more horrible than previous things.

Andrew Towers


I could be Spiderman!

I had just moved into my new place with a friend and the building changed the keys to our fire door lock. This wasn’t much of a concern as we both agreed not to lock that one anyway, just the door lock itself. My flatmate had a new key cut for me a few days before, but I was yet to put it on my key ring. This would come back to haunt me.



I'm Not A Thief

Yesterday I'd been tasked with going to a bookshop to buy some maps for an upcoming holiday going in a 4WD from Broome to Darwin. I wasn't sure which map to get so I stood in the shop taking photos of the relevant sections in the maps to send to my wife at home to make sure I got the right one.

Steven Morgan