Ron Hailes Subscribe Ron Hailes's Atom Feed

Location
Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Bio

I am a sometimes writer, stand up comic and MC - these are my passions but In the real world I travel throughout SE Asia training sales and management staff in the Auto Industry

Joined
February 28, 2013
Number of stories
42
Overall rating
Total story views
34,236
Subscribers
36
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What happened to the Brown Dinner suit and the Bridesmaids

On February 5 we will celebrate 40 years since we walked down the aisle, Monica looking great with Bridesmaids and attendants, myself decked out in a brown dinner suit with a matching number of attendants. We were married by a pastor and drove from the church to the reception in a suitably flash limo.

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Digital Disruption At Its Best

I was in Melbourne a few months ago and needed to travel from St Kilda Road to the CBD, about $15 in a Taxi. Silly me, I thought this would be simple, approach a taxi, get in, go to destination. I walked up to one, doors locked, window comes down, "Where" one word only, so I responded accordingly, "City".

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Don't worry Doc... I don't camp

The day had arrived "Relay for Life 2015" mid way through setting up a massive storm arrived, but it seemed to be avoiding us. All of a sudden it turned and the tent, electrical equipment, tables, banners all took off. There was no choice, I had to chase it in pouring rain.

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Thank You Fathers both real and surrogate

Of course we all have a father, but not all fathers are the fathers they should be. Luckily for some there is often someone who steps in and takes this role. I have seen mothers become better fathers than the real "long gone " father could have ever been. Older brothers, sisters ,friends uncles , aunts are always stepping up.

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News Flash AC/DC earn $175 for gig

Yes it's true after working for peanuts AC/DC have hit the big time. I guess you are now thinking he has got this wrong , doesn't he mean their ticket price is now $175? It probably is.

Well the truth is this story is a little old, you see I recently found one of prized possessions stored away.

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Relay for Life 2014

What makes 600 very normal people in teams walk for 18 hours around a circular track. Answer "They are very special people"

In 2004 my perfect family life was shattered by the news that so many Australian's get every day, one of your family members has cancer.

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New Friends

All through my life I have been surrounded by family ,friends ,business associates etc , so I have never been short of company.

I am a really lucky person and I value all these people. Just two years ago I decided to have a go at performing stand-up comedy, it was just one of those things on my bucket list.

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Remembrance Day 2013

Today is Remembrance day so I am republishing the following story I wrote earlier in the year. I am proud to have relatives who have served in several wars and although they all survived the war, their lives were vastly shortened because of it.

My Grandfather William Arthur Hailes served in WW 2

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Things I don't get...a bit RIskaaaay

In a few short weeks I will turn 58 and every day the world changes at such an amazing pace I really have trouble understanding modern things. Firstly what's sexting all about ,why not just meet up and get to know each other, if you are "sexting" and you push the send button before you finish, is that considered foreplay or premature ejaculation!

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Work experience students

I work for a commercial Radio Station on the Gold Coast and quite often we get requests to host students for work experience.

This week we hosted a local girl who is currently in year 10. Radio stations can be a little out there so the first benefit we got actually happened before she arrived w

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And I thought Stand Up was hard "Acting" the next challenge

When I decided to have a go at Stand Up Comedy I knew it would be hard, but 18 months on it's coming together. The likes of Adam Hills etc certainly don't need to worry about their jobs.

The next thing on the bucket list was "acting" so I scanned the net and found the perfect opportunity "On Air On Air" a very clever play about a radio station.

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Our technology rules our lives

I haven't written a story for a couple of months , have I been to busy ,no ideas ,or just plain lazy .None of the above, I simply stood on my laptop and broke the screen . It would be fair to ask why I didn't just replace it straight away ? Surely I cant live without a laptop.

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Drug Dealing on My Honeymoon

About 3 days into our honeymoon in New Zealand in 1977 I had a terrifying experience, which involved scenes straight from the movie "Midnight Express!" On reflection Jail in Istanbul and Christchurch are probably vastly different.

The terror started when my half opened case fell off the bed in a Christchurch Hotel.

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Bombing at a Stand Up Comedy Gig

About a year ago I started on my stand up journey and from day one my greatest fear, like all comedians was "bombing" I have now performed 30 times ,had some great gigs and some average ones but nothing I would call a bomb, train wreck or crash and burn.

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Give me an Idea

This will be my shortest story ... I find it easy to write about my life and times but much harder to write fiction...

So comment below with a subject of your choosing and I will try and write a story!!!

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I managed the Bass Player in AC/DC. Pity he wasn't in the band at the time - Part 1

On my first day of high school in 1968 I met a short, long haired kid who would go on to be one of Prahran High Schools most famous students. He was a mad Carlton supporter and had an out there attitude to life. Even in the very early days when we were 13 or 14 he was a big hit with the girls who w

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The little things in business - Optometrists

I have a habit of having minor problems with my glasses all around the world. Without fail whether it has been in Australia, Asia or Europe, when I go in to get a screw tightened or an adjustment made the optometrist will never take any money. It's like they have a creed that they assist each others customers.

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AC/DC A Teaser

The guys from Bytestories have thrown out a challenge - I get 25 subscribers and I have to share a few stories about a connection I have with the early days of AC/DC.

So what's it about... can't say until I get the subscribers but I can say that it goes back 41 years.

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Friday Funny # 8

I am always searching for new stories to tell at my comedy shows and everyday life just delivers them to me time after time. I was driving down the freeway and saw this old Falcon ex taxi,engine smoking as it struggled down the highway. It had a sign on the back "Honk if your Horny"

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Lest We Forget

I am really happy that Anzac Day is so well supported by younger people, some who have never really been touched by war. I am proud to have relatives who have served in several wars and although they all survived the war, their lives were vastly shortened because of it.

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My Second Home - North Fitzroy - The Donald Mackay Connection

Somewhere around 1961 my father got a new job as Manager of the Melbourne Firearms Company and with this job came a house that was located behind one of their shops in North Fitzroy. This shop was managed by a man called George Joseph, it was a typical house behind a shop, nothing remarkable but a

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Friday Funny #7 - Airline Jokes

Just a couple of quick airline jokes, not original but hopefully funny

I got off a plane the other day and my wife met me at the Airport and said "who did you fly with"

I said "I don't know they were all strangers"

I actually did answer her question - I flew Virgin

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Story # 20 My "Bytestories" Challenge

I discovered 'Bytestories" almost by accident when a fellow comedian published a story, that was on Feb 28th 2013 only 7 weeks ago. I had only ever planned to write a couple of stories and only about comedy which is my current obsession. Of course it couldn't stop there, I have this addictive personality and once I started I couldn't stop.

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The Zippy Board Kid

When I was about 10, I got called to the headmasters office, walked in and got introduced to two people. The Headmaster then asked me to leave which was all a bit strange at the time. That night my parents got a call from a casting agent offering me a part in a TV commercial. I was to become "The Zippy Board Kid"

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Black Sorrows -Surfers Paradise Beach April 7 2013

It has rained on the Gold Coast a bit more than usual in recent weeks ,so putting a concert on the beach at Surfers Paradise was always going to be risky.

The weather gods were very kind to us and after a lovely Thai meal in Surfers the six of us headed for the beach.

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Friday Funny # 6

I accept that I am a big man, but the incident that happened to me the other day at the cricket was just to much!!

I decided to go to "The Gabba" to watch some cricket and went and stood in the outer. I know nothing about cricket but I tried to get into it and was actually starting to enjoy it.

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The Rolling Stones - February 17 1973

Some days in your life you never forget. I will never forget my Wedding, the birth of my two daughters and the death of my father Bill and brother, Brian, 7 weeks apart.

When the Rolling Stones came to Melbourne in 1973 another unforgettable day was about to happen.

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Byron Bay Bluesfest Day 1 2013

As much as I love live music I had never been to as festival before yesterday.

Thanks to a couple of friends making the suggestion I went along to Day 1 at Bluesfest. What a fantastic experience, the minute you arrive you feel the buzz in the air with the massive tents, food vendors, shops and thousands of people just wanting have fun.

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Friday Funny # 5

This is not an original joke, but I heard it this week and I liked it so I am going to share it .

A Scotsman passes away and gets up to the pearly gates and God says, I have noticed that during your life you haven't been very generous and I don't think I can let you in.

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Mate and Buddy - Are these great sales openers?

I went to visit my Mum in Hospital recently and stopped by the café to grab a coffee for her on the way in.

The guy behind the counter dragged himself away from chatting to the girl working with him and said - Can I help you MATE I told him that I wasn't his mate and 2 cappuccinos to go would be great.

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Hong Kong part 2 - where to sleep

The title says it all, in Hong Kong you just need a hotel to sleep in because the other 16 hours of the day you will be busy. In Hong Kong you can find everything from a $10 a night boarding house such as the famous Chung King Mansions in Kowloon to the best 6 star hotels in the world.

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My First Home - Abbotsford

Abbotsford lies a few kilometres east of Melbourne. In the early sixties it was your typical working class suburb, although migrants had started to arrive in Australia they hadn’t quite reached Abbotsford. This was home of the Aussie meat and 3 veg, the blue-collar worker.

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The Legend of "Hey Guys"

Back on December 7 2012 @ 10.57 am two words were posted on the Melbourne Comedy Rooms hub Facebook page by Nick Mason who may or may not be a real person or may be several people. These two words "Hey Guys" were the start of the longest Facebook thread I have ever seen reaching over 2000 posts a few days ago.

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Friday Funny # 3

I am a late 50's guy with what could politely called a large build, big bones etc but I still scrub up alright in a suit. I am not the type of guy that young women swoon over, mainly because I don't have a Porsche or a Yacht which is fine by me because I have been very happily married for 36 years.

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Hong Kong - Part 1

I am often asked why I like Hong Kong so much and really struggle to answer the question because its not just one thing, more a combination of many elements. Firstly I love big cities, so I guess given that there are millions of people living in an area about the size of an Australian shopping centre, is a good start.

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Going the extra mile in your business

Recently I bought a new car and the dealer did all the right things – the car was full of petrol – and there was a nice bunch of flowers for my wife. The sale was seamless and it made me feel good about the company. So good I have already referred someone to this company who also purchased a car.

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Friday Funny # 2

Flying is always bit of an effort when you're a big guy. The seats are just not made for my ample bulk but I do the best I can. I was going down to Melbourne this week to do a couple of gigs and I got on the plane and headed straight for my aisle seat and got comfortable.

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Deep Purple 32 Years On

I love live music, I have all my life and the first major concert I went to was at Festival Hall Melbourne in May 1971 I was 16. The bill was Free, Manfred Mann's Earth Band and Deep Purple. It was a long show full of technical glitches but was incredible, clearly a highlight of my life to that point.

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The Stand Up Journey of a 57 Year Old- Part 2 The First Gig

If you didn't read my first story here is a quick refresh, at age 57 I decided to take up Stand Up and did a course with Robert Grayson for 6 weeks. At the end of course we "graduated" by doing our first gig. This is how mine went, in a word I was awesome and my new career had begun soon I would be headlining the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

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Whats going on in your Business - Do you know

I walked in to a clothes shop that caters for older, more mature guys today and the two shop assistants were bopping along to some mind boggling loud rap coming out of the roof mounted system.

Every customer in the shop was 40+ and we all had the same problem, the music was doing our heads in.

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Friday Funny

My first job was as a bank teller I was 18. I was totally unco and a disaster waiting to happen and it did. First day I set off the alarm, cops came sirens blazing, red faces all around. Second and third time cops came sirens blazin guns drawn, more red faces.

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The Stand Up Journey of a 57 Year Old Part 1

What makes a sane 57 year old decide to become a Stand Up Comedian, madness, Mid life crisis, well more late than mid. The reason is simple, there is no greater joy than to entertain people and I can't sing, have no musical ability at all, so Stand Up it had to be.

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