Paul McDougall Subscribe Paul McDougall's Atom Feed

Edinburgh, United Kingdom

Paul McDougall is a Scottish comedian based in Edinburgh and has been on the circuit for over 2 years now. His laidback stories are heard in comedy clubs around the country. Regular Comedian and MC.

April 27, 2015
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What Paul McDougall looks like.

I'm glad I don't have to date anymore.

Dating is hell, time consuming and at times so stressful I felt like getting a cat didn't seem such a ridiculous idea after all.

Thankfully the cat idea passed.

After 7 long years I became single and was launched into the world of dating which as you can tell I didn't particularly enjoy.



Do you have any phones small enough...

I used to work in one of those shops you know the type, you walk in with your hopes and dreams and a Playstation and they give you a fiver in return, I think they call them Cash Generator or something like that.

We had all sorts of customers that came in some nice, some just pure and utterly mental.



Recurring Nightmare

I have this recurring nightmare.

The year is 2022 and Qatar have just bribed sorry I mean won the world cup. The Queens throne now has jetpacks so she can really be above her subjects, One Direction have released their 562nd album and it's just them burping and farting down the mic but people s



Never try and mug a Glaswegian.

Now from the title you are probably thinking why are you mugging a Glaswegian man in Istanbul?

Well it's not. I am the Glaswegian in question and I was over in Istanbul with my day job. My job was simple. Travel with a group of agents and escort them round the incredible city of Istanbul, show



Drunk challenges, just say no.

I have drunk many times over the years. I've probably drunk all the drinks, or snorted or one time after watching Kevin n Perry I took vodka in the eye after being challenged. This is what happens when I am drunk...I won't back down when I should really know better but the vodka always seems to get its on way.



I thought Canada was supposed to be friendly/Scottish humour.

Whilst visiting family in Canada I did what every Scottish person does when they are abroad, get up to watch the national team play regardless of where it is or time difference.

I got up and went to the centre of Calgary to find that the pub was not open yet and I was hungry and cold.



Petitions, what's the point?

Petitions...what's the actual point?

Petitions were supposed to be a useful tool, one that we would utilise to make a change, to make the world a better place.

People used to petition for things they felt a deep connection for, but now... people sign any old petition or more specifically any



Geez yer money for charity. Irony.

I like charity. I give to charity but like everyone else I hate the harassment of it all. Whether it's on the street or being visually mugged of your tears on Comic Relief I really get aggravated by that.

When I am stopped by one of these people in the street I'm aware they are just doing their job.



Back when...My Dad used to be strict...

My Dad has 10 kids and I'm the oldest. As a kid he could look at me and I'd shit myself (not literally). Nowadays he has 9 more and he isn't quite as fierce as he used to be as they have ran him ragged a bit.

Their punishment is to be grounded for around 15 minutes until they've pestered him enough for him to give in and let them out again.



I never used to believe in karma...until...

It was my first year at T in the Park and the year was 1999. I hadn't turned 18 yet here I was with my mates armed with a tent, sleeping bag and the cheapest beer money could buy.

Unfortunately for us we found out we were going 1 day before which meant we only had time to get a 2 man tent for 3