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Website
http://mywordsasweapons.com/
Location
Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Bio

Small time gal from a country town. Wait, no that isn't right, but what the hell it's more interesting than anything else I have.

Joined
November 4, 2013
Number of stories
19
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Total story views
15,248
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So hot I can't hear

My partner is Vietnamese and loves chili. In fact, she once said to me "I like chili so hot that I can't hear". OK then.

Me on the other hand, my favourite chili is capsicum & my yard stick is KFC Hot n Spicy, so it's easy to see I'm not much of a spice fan.

 725

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Yes Chef, sorry Chef!

I used to be a supervisor in a resort, reporting weekly at a meeting of dept heads to the food & bev manager, a German guy we all called Chef. I'll never forget one meeting though...

"Adzem, Can you pladhfghaldda"? "Ahh sorry Chef, I didn't quite catch that".

 608

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Bless you! Now, where's the toast?

The night was clear, a light breeze was blowing outside, people were arriving home after work. Everyone went about their evening with no hint of the mystery that was about to unfold in my house.

The kitchen light was the only light on in the house. The TV, also on, was showing an old episode of If You Are The One.

 805

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"I had the chicken, not the steak..."

I’ve recently travelled to Vietnam & while in Ho Chi Minh I thought I would go on a few bus tours. One of the tours saw us stop at a restaurant where we were able to enjoy some lunch.

We all shuffled in & were herded to a seat. As I was travelling alone, I ended up at a table with non-English speaking people, so I was essentially on my own.

 692

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Because I'm your big brother, that's why.

My little bro had a tough life growing up. I’d like to say it had nothing to do with me, but that would be a lie.

I used to make him test out BMX jumps we made before my mate’s & I used it to make sure it was safe. If he stacked it, we re-evaluated the jump before making him try it again.

 564

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When Dance Floors Attack

I like to think that I can cut a rug on the dance floor. I usually get this thought after having myself a drink or two, and it’s a pretty safe bet that I’m not the only one. My worst experience that I have had on the dance floor has happened only recently.

 674

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How Old Are You?

I grew up in the 80’s, with bad fashion, funny music & parents that still smacked you when you were naughty. Mum rarely smacked us, but once broke a wooden spoon on the back on my knee, & from that day on mum never used anything other than her hand. Dad was a whole other kettle of fish.

 899

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Flour Power

I like to say that misbehavior at school was the result of being bored in class because I was too smart for what I was being taught. Let’s not dwell on this aspect of the story.

Tuesday was always exciting because we started out with home-ec (cooking) & then had chemistry.

 1,142

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Autocorrect from the 80's

Have you ever played eye spy with a kid who is learning to spell? If you haven’t, you really need to do so, if only to be able to tell stories like this. We used to do a lot of camping when I was a kid, and as I was the eldest of 4 kids in our family, I probably remember more of these stories than the others.

 834

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It's so much fun in our house

I am playing a game with my housemate, one that she isn't aware that we are playing. It’s a fun game that has so far lasted over 3 months while we have been living together.

Each morning after she has left for work, I tilt 2 or 3 of the paintings she has hanging in the lounge room. Each afternoon she will come home & straighten them up again.

 984

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Blu-Loo Smurfs

One day my 2 year old comes out of the bathroom with blue lips & blue hands. Immediately I jumped up and asked him what he had eaten. He took me to the bathroom, and who knows where he got it from, pointed to a half-eaten blu-loo toilet sanitizer block on the floor that normally sits in the cistern to make the water blue.

 786

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Happy New Years

New Years Eve. A time for celebrating and enjoying a good night out with friends. At least for some of us. I have a friend that peaked a little too early and didn’t realise until much later. Our day started as I suspect many other people’s had. We met up around midday for a BBQ at a park and a few drinks to start the day.

 783

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Hair Raising

I used to get my hair bleached to be a blonde colour when I was much younger. The trip to the hairdresser was worth it because one of them was so good looking & they had awesome massage chairs. One day while I was sitting there reading a magazine I had bought, a car accident happened on the road out the front.

 758

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I could be Spiderman!

I had just moved into my new place with a friend and the building changed the keys to our fire door lock. This wasn’t much of a concern as we both agreed not to lock that one anyway, just the door lock itself. My flatmate had a new key cut for me a few days before, but I was yet to put it on my key ring. This would come back to haunt me.

 762

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Celebrations

Last year’s Christmas party. I was looking forward to enjoying a nice dinner & hitting the clubs afterwards. Dinner was great, as was the beer & wines we were drinking. We said our goodbye’s to all the responsible ones & went in search of some bars. In one bar I fell over with a newly purchased bee

 846

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Parents are always right, damn it.

Remember as a kid when your parents told you not to do something because they knew what would happen, but you did it anyway, realised they were right all along, and then you need to hide your stupidity from them?

This happened to me one summer holidays.

 812

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Custard is a Killer

When you’re a kid, logic when it comes to food doesn’t really make sense. You like some foods, are made to eat others, and will do whatever you can just to get a taste of some. I had, and continue to do so, have an unhealthy obsession with custard. I like all types, homemade, processed, custard tarts, donuts, ganache types, I want it all.

 1,167

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No one tells you about the stockings

The year was some time ago, I was 18, maybe 19. It was the festive season and the company I worked for were having our Christmas party. A mate and I had decided to it would be fun to dress up as women for the party, with the help of one of the girls we worked with.

 699

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UV Shenanigans

Back in the day when I used to attend dance parties, I would do my hair in a high Mohawk style and then spray it with a UV hair spray to stand out under the UV lights used throughout the place.

My mate, who shaved his head and only had a goatee saw me doing it and said he wanted to spray it on his goatee. So off he went and did exactly that.

 708

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